Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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