You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
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