I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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