Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
What a dumb baby whore.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Ladies don't puke and tell
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
