Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
He? As in you personified your dick?
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
