i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
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Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
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Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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