i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
