I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Randomize
