why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
