He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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