Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Randomize
