I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
