The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Randomize
