I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
