Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
