Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
