I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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