You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
