We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
