I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Randomize
