I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Randomize
