the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
