respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
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