Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
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