Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
When did angry sex become our thing?
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
