whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
