Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
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