hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
