when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Swine flu is the new snow day.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Randomize
