Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
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