I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Randomize
