the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
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