Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
