It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
