ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
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