actually, I'm a sock model
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
