So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
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Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize