im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
there's paper in my vomit.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
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