I could make wine with my vomit
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
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