just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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