well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize