i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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