still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
