just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
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