I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
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He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
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how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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