This is not my ceiling
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
