drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
