just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
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