Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
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