Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
You are a genius and a whore.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
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