I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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