There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
