After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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