I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Randomize
