i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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