did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I would ride that face into the sunset
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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