I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
you will always have a special place in my vag
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
In other news, I just burned my penis
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
