also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Randomize
