ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
