I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
