When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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