i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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