K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
