I must be too annoying 4 u.
Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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