I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
